Facing the Past
by ParisNeverEnded
Summary: Facing the past is no easy thing. Patricia Buckingham makes sure Rachel Morgan does so.


_Facing the Past_

_Facing the past is no easy thing. Patricia Buckingham makes sure Rachel Morgan did so. _

**A/N I started this probably years ago but I'm finally only getting round to writing it, on my break from revision and SAT prep. **

**Disclaimer: Belongs to Ally Carter under Disney Hyperion, not mine. **

It was Buckingham's idea; she waltzed into my office and chucked the file onto my desk on the last day of semester.

"Solomon." She said just one word

"No." I replied without stopping my paperwork, but on the inside my heart was pumping I hadn't seen Joe in 3 years after Matt went MIA...

"Yes. He's perfect,"

"No." I said firmly finally putting my pen down.

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Because what?" Patricia raised an eyebrow at me.

I felt like a child, unable to give a reasonable excuse, just determined that I was right.

"Because Joe's a field agent, he will never agree to be a teacher even if its CoveOps." I said. "And it's not fair on him, he's good, he's the best..." My voice trailed off and I was unable to look at Patricia in the eye.

"If anybody had asked you to come here 3 years ago –"

"That's different, and then I had Cammie to think about.." I cut her off.

"No. Joe's hurt, just as you were. He needs to come home-"

"Blackthornes his home, not Gallagher."

"With you." Buckhingham continued. "His home is with you." She stressed the word you. "And Cammie."

"Cammie hasn't met him since she was 4 years old." I protested weakly.

"That never stopped Joseph loving her as much as Matthew."

I stared open mouthed at Patricia. I couldn't believe we were having this conversation, about Joe, coming to Gallagher to TEACH! It sounded ridiculous. It _was _ridiculous, I reasoned.

"Rachel you need to face your past. Whatever happened between you and Joseph Solomon needs to be fixed and not at the expense of your pupils education."

Oh she went there. She really, actually went there, bringing up the girls to sway me into agreeing, but I was stubborn. "Nothing happened Patricia." I sighed wearily.

Patricia raised her eyebrow again. "Hmmm."

"Joe left me when Matt left, end of story."

"Did he leave you?" She asked seriously. "Or did you push him away?" She added, before turning to leave.

As she reached the door she turned briefly and said "I expect Solomon at my desk when I come back from vacation. _After_ you've sorted out your differences."

With that Patricia Buckingham left my office, leaving me open-mouthed and shocked, mainly because in the 3 years since Matt had been MIA not one person had told me, what I'd refused to believe, that Joe Solomon and I were estranged because of me.

I sat there at my desk, my mouth open just a tincy bit staring at where Patricia had stood moments before. I could still hear the noise of the last few girls leaving Gallagher for their summer vacation, through my wide open office door. I needed to get up and close it I knew, but I just couldn't believe the nerve of Patricia. She must be getting deranged, to think that Joseph Solomon could teach. Willingly. He was a great Agent, one of the best, he just didn't teach, it wasn't his forte. He had so many skills, he could disarm a bomb with a pair of tweezers, he could get any woman he wanted, made any female target swoon with his blonde hair and handsome features...

'Oh God Rachel.' I thought. 'Snap out of it. You can not be day dreaming about Joseph Solomon.'

I shook my head for good measure, closed my mouth and got up to close the door. As I reached the door I saw Cammie walking towards me.

"Hey kiddo." I said. "You ready for Nebraska?" I added ushering her in.

"Yeah. It's sad saying goodbye, but it's great knowing I have the whole of summer ahead to do nothing." She said with a smile.

Oh gosh, she looked so much like her father when she smiled.

It was then that I realised, looking at my daughter and seeing my husband through her that perhaps having Joe Solomon around to teach her, to prepare her for the dangers in our world wasn't the worse thing Patricia could suggest.

* * *

"Mom, you didn't have to come you know." Cammie said.

"What?" I uttered sleepily.

I hadn't slept well the night before, I had just laid there thinking...about Joe, and him possibly, probably, never teaching at Gallagher.

"You didn't have to fly me to Nebraska." Cammie responded with a smile.

"Oh I know." I replied. "I just thought it would be nice for a change."

What I didn't tell her was that I'd just wanted to get away from Gallagher, to prolong facing the folder on my desk, to make a decision about Joseph Solomon and a certain empty CoveOps position on the faculty. So I'd decided, at a moments notice to fly with Cammie to Nebraska, usually I let her fly on her own, it's only a 2 hour flight, but I just needed to get away and at least I could visit Matt this way.

"It's nice Mom. Thanks." Cammie whispered, snuggling up to me as the plane started to take off.

* * *

I was never one for words when it came to Matt. I refused to believe he was gone, I'd hunted and I'd looked but I'd never found out that he'd died, but I'd never found evidence that he was alive either. I stood at his grave site in Nebraska, Cammie was standing behind me, her Grandmother comforting her.

"Matt what do I do?" I whispered ever so quietly.

I stared at the headstone, knowing he wasn't really there, beneath me, his body was never found.

"Is it my fault Joe wasn't there for me?" I added.

I'd been so ready to blame Joseph Solomon for our estrangement I'd never even considered (outside of the bottom of my stomach) that I could have helped it. Matt going MIA had destroyed a lot of things, Abby rarely spoke to me, she hadn't seen Cammie since his 'funeral', of which Joe never came to. I don't know why, and I guess at the time I just didn't know. Joe Solomon hadn't been there for me when I needed him most, not after he'd told me Matt was missing.

"Urgh." I said. "I don't know what to do Matt?"

I know that if Matt had been here he'd be annoyed that his best friend and his wife were not talking, and hadn't done so for 3 years because of his 'death'. I knew what he would want me to do, I just wasn't ready to face it yet.

"Mom." I turned around to see Cammie gently coming towards me. "Are you ready to go back?" She asked with tentative eyes.

"Yeah Kiddo. Yeah I am." I tried to smile but it didn't quite work, instead I just wrapped my arm around my daughter comfortingly.

The three of us walked back to Matt's childhood home in silence, each of us thinking, reflecting on our time with Matt. The silence was only broken by Matt's Mom as we approached the front door. "Do you know how long you want to stay Rachel?"

In her eyes I saw motherly affection, something I hadn't experienced myself since I was younger that Cammie, I'd basically raised Abby myself ever since she was little, I'd been just as much as a mother to her as I had been a sister and yet I myself hadn't seen that look for a long time.

"Just the night I think, I still have paperwork to finish at Gallagher, but thank you very much for letting me stay." I told the older woman.

"Our pleasure Rachel, you're family."

I smiled at her, and she smiled at me and then Cammie smiled, and everything seemed so perfect. Cammie was starting her Sophomore year in September, but she would always be my little girl and right now I struggled to comprehend how beautiful my daughter had truly become. As Abby had said the day she was born "She's gonna break a lot of hearts in her time."

Oh Gosh how I hoped not. Not just yet.

"Mom, will you help me unpack?"

Cammie's words drew me out of my daydream and I gently nodded my head. "Sure thing kiddo."

As she grabbed my hand to go up the stairs, I couldn't help but notice the picture on the wall, it was a small picture in a bigger picture frame by the stairs, and on it was Matt and the very person I'd come to Nebraska to avoid..Joseph Solomon.

* * *

Gallagher was empty, except for the guards on duty at the gates. The delivery for the new science lab was supposed to arrive tomorrow so I only had one day to sort out my paperwork before it would get hectic. Abby would (hopefully) pop in some time to relieve me of my boredom, but that was if she wasn't on a mission in a far off land. We usually met over the summer, to catch up, to talk. Sighing gently as my tentative relationship with my sister I pushed open the door of the Entrance Hall and made my way to my office. I opened the door and my mouth fell open. Quite literally.

There sitting at _my_ desk, twiddling _my _pen in _his _hands was the man i hadn't seen in 3 years. The man I'd never wanted to see again, and that was Joseph Solomon.

"Hello Beautiful." He said with a cocky smile.

I was shocked to say the least. "Get out." I whispered.

"What a way to great your partner huh?"

"Ex-partner." I stressed. "I'm retired."

"One a spy, always a spy."

He was still twiddling _ my _pen in his hand and it was annoying me. "How did you-?"

"Buckingham invited me." He cut in. "Said you needed to talk."

"Of course she did." I rolled my eyes.

Curse Buckingham, If wasn't halfway to Timbuktu on an Operation I would've hunted her down. Damn that woman.

"I read my file." He said blatantly, finally putting down my pen and reaching for his file that (I'd locked in my safe before I'd left). "I'm highly recommended." He added.

I crinkled my nose and frowned. "By who?"

I stepped closer to my desk, placing my palms flat on the desk.

"The board." Joe said infuriatingly. His smirk was still plastered over his face.

"What?" I lunged over the table in a bid to snatch the folder from his grasp, but he pulled back at the last second, yet my momentum was still going so I landed on top of the desk, my chin hitting the edge of it.

"Oh shit Rachel." He cursed. "Are you ok?" he added.

I stood up instantaneously, even though my chin really did hurt. I smothered down my shirt and stared at him. A rush of emotion flooded through me when I realised that he's just asked if I was ok, he actually maybe kind of probably did care after all...but that still didn't excuse those 3 years of absence.

"I'm fine." I semi-lied. "Now can I have my desk back?"

Joe held onto his application tightly but removed himself from my desk chair. "You didn't know?"

I looked again, confused at him. "You didn't know that the Board highly recommended me."

No. No I didn't know. It was all Patricia's doing, it had to be, arranging for a private Board meeting to discuss Joe...without me. I ignored his comment and fiddled with some of the papers on my desk.

"You don't want me?" He whispered.

I breathed heavily, closed my eyes and turned to look at him. "No Joe. I don't." I responded.

His face fell, his cocky grin that had been plastered over his face since I'd entered the room was gone.

"Everything changed Joe." I continued, turning my face from him, not wanting to see his hurt. "I'm not the same as I was 3 years ago."

"Rachel-" He whispered my name.

That was all it took for me to register he was really here, the hurt and raw emotion as he said my name had done it. Oh god. He was really here wasn't he? Joe was actually here, asking me for a job, to work at Gallagher. I sighed again and turned to face him, focusing on his lips, refusing to meet his gaze. "Why do you want to come to Gallagher Joe?" I asked tiredly. I sank deeper into my chair.

"Because I made a promise that I would protect you and Cammie."

"Then why didn't you stay?" I sat up straighter at his words, bravely meeting his eyes with mine. "You were never there Joe-"

"For God's sake Rachel!" He almost yelled. "You pushed me away!"

He'd said it, the four words I'd been denying for 3 years, the words Patricia had told me and I'd refused to believe still, and now here we were...

"I couldn't look at any of you." He continued. "...especially you Rachel." He stared at me in sadness. "It was my mess that got Matt killed. I couldn't look at you. I couldn't, but I tried and then you pushed me away, you and Abby both did." He whispered.

I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry." I bit my lip. I opened my eyes suddenly to feel a hand take mine and squeeze it slightly.

"I missed you Rachel."

I smiled up at him and he smiled back. Maybe Patricia was right, maybe Joe Solomon was the right man for the job. I went to say something but was interrupted by my Office Door opening and Abigail Cameron, my little sister strode in.

"Well isn't this a nice family reunion." She smiled, raising an eyebrow as she saw our clasped hands.

We laughed. The three of us laughed. It was a sound I hadn't heard in over 3 years and it felt nice. Matt may be still be missing, but I have a family worth living for.

Fin.

**A/N Hope you enjoyed it. I couldn't stop thinking about this all day and all through class I sat their writing dialogue on my books. R&R**


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